Consent Culture in the Dungeon: a “what you can do” guide for community members

“The BDSM community has always put itself forward as at the forefront of consent education. “Safe Sane and Consensual”, we say. “Ask first!”

But the reality is that abuse and consent violations happen within this community, as it does with every community. Rape culture is a problem literally everywhere. In the 6 years I’ve been doing consent activist work, I’ve found that change is coming in addressing these issues… but it’s slow work.

Still, you don’t have to wait for community leaders to guide you — community members can take on that labor too!”

Learn how here

Sex, Drugs and How We Roll

Koti Dory from the radio show “Sex, Drugs, and How We Roll” and I reconnect after a few years to talk about the book, how it came together, the voices that came together to make it and the ideas it brings forth. We chat a bunch about actively working to create culture and the sort of world that we want to live in. Then, get into the tough work of people living in community and learning to be good to each other – even when they’re juggalos. Not kidding.

Listen here!

Be Proud, Not Pushy: A Guide to Pride Etiquette

“Every time I go to a Pride event, at least one of the following 5 things happens:

  1. Someone (usually a gay man or a straight girl) grabs my breasts or costume without asking
  2. Someone takes a sneaky photo without my consent or knowledge
  3. Someone tries to offer me something dosed without letting me know upfront
  4. Someone loudly interrupts a conversation I’m having (almost always with another queer femme) to center themselves in a desperate bid for attention
  5. Someone will attempt to use their inebriation as an excuse for crossing my boundaries

I want to acknowledge that it is not just heterosexual allies who do these pushy, entitled things, but fellow queer folks. From talking to my friends, it seems it’s sunk into the common consciousness as just something one has to tolerate to be in those spaces. I think that’s absurd, and I wanted to offer a quick and easy guide on how to perpetuate consent culture in these spaces so everyone can celebrate and feel safe.”

Read more here!

hellogiggles : “will change how you think about rape culture”

Wow! Exciting to get such a rave review from hellogiggles about “Ask” – they say:

“Consent shouldn’t be such a hard thing to talk about. There are videos of studies that show toddlers understand the concept of consent, yet when we talk to young, sexually active men and women, everything gets muddled for some reason. It shouldn’t be so difficult to figure out for adults. If you want to fight back against rape culture, learning the lingo of consent culture with a book like this is not a bad start.”